No one wants to hear what you have to say. It's a cross you bear alone, that is until you enlist the help of a good therapist. You sit down and haltingly, through a very dry throat, you tell your story... certain you won't be heard, or at least you will be told it was at least partially your fault. Imagine your surprise when you hear... "you were raped, it's not your fault"! It's like a knife going through and stabbing deep into your soul. How can this be? For all of these years the guilt has weighed heavily on your shoulders.
That was my story. I was certain I had done something terribly wrong. I should not have gone out to my brothers room, an old travel trailer away from the main house. I was just bored and looking for the rest of the kids. I had found just one of the neighborhood boys, the rest of the kids were somewhere else. He and I were alone. What happened that evening left an indelible mark on my young life and I felt responsible. I have told this story many times and I often wonder when I can stop telling the story. I have been told many times to stop talking about it that no one really wants to hear about it. At first this statement made me angry, now I wish I could stop talking about it. I can't.
I have started posting my story on Facebook with the help of YouTube videos. Here are the links if you are interested in watching them.
1. BPD Hashtag ME Too - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WZklPLTPEg
2. BPD Why Me Too - https://www.youtube.com/edit?ar=1&o=U&video_id=D_gnYFPNqzo
3. BPD Why Me Too Two - https://www.youtube.com/edit?ar=1&o=U&video_id=cf43To18Z2o
4. BPD Why Me Too Three - https://www.youtube.com/edit?ar=1&o=U&video_id=rTakOuGQGho
5. BPD I AM not normal - https://www.youtube.com/edit?ar=1&o=U&video_id=Mnpnjoce5H8
There are five videos here that talk about what happened. Next I am going to start talking about the healing process. I think it is important to talk about the healing process. My book talks about the story, the journey of where I was and the pain of depression and being diagnosed as bipolar but I spent most of writing this book talking about the journey to wellness. That is what is most important is getting to the point where there is a better place in your life. HOPE! There really is hope! This is what is most important. Not what was done to you. Some people carry the pain like a badge of honor, I want to carry the recovery and the hope like an aura of peace and hope. You deserve to know there is hope!
Danni Andrew
Author, Speaker, Artist and one damn good cook!
www.danniandrew.com
Access to all of my books on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Danni-Andrew/e/B01NA96MHU/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1539560861&sr=8-1
Sunday, October 14, 2018
Thursday, June 7, 2018
Suicidal? Please ask for Help!
We woke up horrified over the loss of Kate Spade yesterday. Honestly I wasn't sure who she was until I read the news stories of her passing. I don't follow fashion so I didn't know about her line of fashion bags and accessories. As I looked at her smiling face I wondered what drove her to take her own life, but honestly I don't have to wonder, I know! I live with anxiety and panic attacks too.
Another friend talked about her battle with anxiety and the overwhelming need to end it all. Those of us who live with mental illness have all wanted to end it at some point. It is a very real battle. The constant battle with your heart pounding, fear of your own battles that only you can speak of and only you understand. Claustrophobia? Can I explain to another person, my sons? My daughter? Can I make them understand? Do I even want to try? Not really... How do I make someone understand the battles in my mind? I don't and I can't.
It would be much easier to stop the battles in my head but at the same time I don't want to leave that legacy for my children and my grandchildren. I have chosen to never allow suicide to be an option for me. I cannot allow this discussion to go on with my children or my grandchildren so I continue the battle. I continue the discussion with my therapist and I leave my children out of the discussion as to why I have these anxiety attacks and why PTSD is in my vocabulary. Why mental illness is a fact of my life. I know very well why but it's a discussion they know a little bit about but they don't need to know every detail. My daughter knows a whole lot more than she wants to know but my son's just don't know. I guess I am more comfortable talking to my daughter.
I made a decision that suicide was not an option and the battle would be taken to my grave when I pass from this earth by any other means than by my own hands. I will NOT give this legacy to my children, they already have enough to deal with, with a mom who lives with mental illness. I think I have mastered my demons enough to be a somewhat normal member of society. Pandora's box is calm enough for me to live a relatively normal life and I will try.
If you or someone you love is suicidal please get help. If you just want to text, the number is 741-741 or you can call at 1-800-273-8255. Your life and the life of your loved one depends on it. Suicide ends the pain for you but it transfers it to the people who love you. Please think about it and ask for help.
Danni Andrew, DTM
(c)copyright 2018
www.danniandrew.com
We woke up horrified over the loss of Kate Spade yesterday. Honestly I wasn't sure who she was until I read the news stories of her passing. I don't follow fashion so I didn't know about her line of fashion bags and accessories. As I looked at her smiling face I wondered what drove her to take her own life, but honestly I don't have to wonder, I know! I live with anxiety and panic attacks too.
Another friend talked about her battle with anxiety and the overwhelming need to end it all. Those of us who live with mental illness have all wanted to end it at some point. It is a very real battle. The constant battle with your heart pounding, fear of your own battles that only you can speak of and only you understand. Claustrophobia? Can I explain to another person, my sons? My daughter? Can I make them understand? Do I even want to try? Not really... How do I make someone understand the battles in my mind? I don't and I can't.
It would be much easier to stop the battles in my head but at the same time I don't want to leave that legacy for my children and my grandchildren. I have chosen to never allow suicide to be an option for me. I cannot allow this discussion to go on with my children or my grandchildren so I continue the battle. I continue the discussion with my therapist and I leave my children out of the discussion as to why I have these anxiety attacks and why PTSD is in my vocabulary. Why mental illness is a fact of my life. I know very well why but it's a discussion they know a little bit about but they don't need to know every detail. My daughter knows a whole lot more than she wants to know but my son's just don't know. I guess I am more comfortable talking to my daughter.
I made a decision that suicide was not an option and the battle would be taken to my grave when I pass from this earth by any other means than by my own hands. I will NOT give this legacy to my children, they already have enough to deal with, with a mom who lives with mental illness. I think I have mastered my demons enough to be a somewhat normal member of society. Pandora's box is calm enough for me to live a relatively normal life and I will try.
If you or someone you love is suicidal please get help. If you just want to text, the number is 741-741 or you can call at 1-800-273-8255. Your life and the life of your loved one depends on it. Suicide ends the pain for you but it transfers it to the people who love you. Please think about it and ask for help.
Danni Andrew, DTM
(c)copyright 2018
www.danniandrew.com
Friday, May 25, 2018
Mental Health Moments
What is a Mental Health Moment?
A Mental Health Moment is when you take time out for you. What a concept... We have become so busy we don't take time out for us. It is no longer socially acceptable to take care of ourselves and this is what makes us as American's, unhealthy. One of my favorite lines in the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" is when Luca Spaghetti tells Elizabeth "you American's, you get a six pack of beer and sit in front of the TV and drink the whole thing and feel guilty about it." It is the truth too.
The commercials say, "you deserve a break today", and we feel guilty about it. Why do we feel so guilty about taking a break? We are conditioned to work, work and more work? I am just as guilty as you are. Right now my good friend is in Taos fulfilling a 'check' on her bucket list. Why do we not have a bucket list? And if you have a bucket list, why are you not checking off that bucket list? I want to spend some time on Canyon Road in Santa Fe. It's AN HOUR AWAY!!! Why have I not done it? I intend to take a couple of hours and spend it on Canyon Road very soon!!
Your mental health is a very important component of your physical health. Take good care of it.
And this is my MENTAL HEALTH MOMENT
Danni Andrew, DTM
(c)copyright 2018
www.danniandrew.com
What is a Mental Health Moment?
A Mental Health Moment is when you take time out for you. What a concept... We have become so busy we don't take time out for us. It is no longer socially acceptable to take care of ourselves and this is what makes us as American's, unhealthy. One of my favorite lines in the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" is when Luca Spaghetti tells Elizabeth "you American's, you get a six pack of beer and sit in front of the TV and drink the whole thing and feel guilty about it." It is the truth too.
The commercials say, "you deserve a break today", and we feel guilty about it. Why do we feel so guilty about taking a break? We are conditioned to work, work and more work? I am just as guilty as you are. Right now my good friend is in Taos fulfilling a 'check' on her bucket list. Why do we not have a bucket list? And if you have a bucket list, why are you not checking off that bucket list? I want to spend some time on Canyon Road in Santa Fe. It's AN HOUR AWAY!!! Why have I not done it? I intend to take a couple of hours and spend it on Canyon Road very soon!!
Your mental health is a very important component of your physical health. Take good care of it.
And this is my MENTAL HEALTH MOMENT
Danni Andrew, DTM
(c)copyright 2018
www.danniandrew.com
The Art of Moving Forward
I have been contemplating the year just past of 2017 and while I call it a “bad” year it was so much more than that. It was a learning process, a purging of sorts which has brought me to a place of peace. Too many times we look at these times with anger and even rage when in reality they are necessary for our survival. Getting rid of what doesn’t work or what is no longer serving you is necessary in my life and your life. We cannot move forward with the baggage of yesterday and it has to be removed. While this is a painful process it is a necessary process, this amputation of activities and sometimes even friends that will not go with us into the next chapter of our lives.
The longer we try to hold onto these reminders of the past the more time it will take to transition to a new and better life. It feels like grasping onto a twig during a hurricane and the process is just as futile, we might as well let go early in the game and let ourselves transition into the next stage of growth as this will allow change to happen more quickly and smoothly. It is a lesson I did not learn well the first time I went through a major change but it has become easier with time as I want to see what happens next. I want to embrace the changes in my life and grow as a person more quickly. May your journey be fruitful and less painful.
And that is my MENTAL HEALTH MOMENT
Danni Andrew
(c)copyright 2018
Originally posted on my Facebook Page Mental Health Moments: May 15, 2018
Who Am I?
I am in your face sometimes and sometimes I am quiet as a church mouse quietly slinking into the shadows hoping not to be seen. I am loud and I am brash and I am quiet and unseen. I am the healer listening to what hurts you the most, hopefully offering a kind word or two to help you out of a tight spot. I am the broken child sitting alone in the darkness wishing the phone would ring but not daring to pick it up and making a phone call.
I am broken with cracks that will never quite heal but it is through those cracks that a morning sun can shine the brightest. Because-of that brokenness I understand the loss of others and I understand grief and depression. I have walked the road of solitude and I have felt the pain of loss. But I kept walking and I never gave up because there is a strength buried deep inside of me that believes in the goodness of this world and knows that somewhere out there is another person who is just as quirky as I am. People are typically busy not mean. If they are mean then they do not belong in my circle of friends and I will quietly remove them.
Life is too short to dwell on the hurt and the drama of yesterday. Even though I may not have every moment filled with love and bliss, I am me and I love who I am.
And this is my MENTAL HEALTH MOMENT
Danni Andrew
(C)copyright 2018
(C)copyright 2018
This Post was originally posted on my Facebook page Mental Health Moments: April 28, 2018
Doing things extremely well. I am an artist, an author and a speaker. I write well and I paint well and yes I can bring you to tears with my speaking. Those are my gifts. I am a good friend and a good mom, I will fight for my children.
There is an opposite side to this equation and I suppose this comes from my bipolar OCD side. I will not do something if I cannot do it well or should I say, extremely well. I suck at relationships and staying married so I have pretty much given up. My plants in my apartment struggle to stay alive and my finances are always a mess. While I am good at painting, writing and cooking I also cannot promote myself. So I struggle in poverty while I sit on a gold mine of wisdom and masterpieces which I hesitate to share with the world because I cannot blow my own horn. It’s just too exhausting. But, I can promote YOU! I can tell you how fabulous you are.
And that is my MENTAL HEALTH MOMENT
Danni Andrew
(C)copyright 2018
(C)copyright 2018
This was originally posted on my Facebook page Mental Health Moments: April 25, 2018
My Perfect Life?
Life happens!! No one grows up in a perfect life! You can’t just decide everything is wonderful and what went wrong in your life isn’t going to affect you anymore because it does! Someday it all comes out somehow. You snap at a friend and you don’t mean to or your stomach starts to bother you or you develop health problems and the doctors can’t tell you what’s wrong with you... All because of internalized anger and sadness. How do you fix it? You work through it! The key word is “through”! You can’t pretend it doesn’t exist or it doesn’t matter. No matter how much you tell yourself it doesn’t matter, it does... walk through the pain! Dig it out by talking to a therapist or your pastor or... someone. Just deal with it so it doesn’t affect your life anymore. Because YOU are worth it!! It’s time!
And this is my MENTAL HEALTH MOMENT
Danni Andrew
(C)copyright 2018
(C)copyright 2018
Originally posted on my Facebook page Mental Health Moments:
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